Of course there’s a rational explanation.

Perhaps your friend cancels your plans for a good reason.

That’s what happened to Dr Marisa Franco. She’d been looking forward to spending some quality time with her friend, but then her friend got into an accident.​

Naturally, she needed to cancel.

As a good friend, she supported her, understood the change.

But she is also allowed to be disappointed that her plans changed.

This existence of both—this space where we feel compassion for our friend, logically understand, and yet we also feel disappointment as well? This is the space of emotional maturity and emotional dexterity.

Too often we’re coached to “be the bigger person” or “have compassion for our friends,” but we quietly erase our own experiences along the way, telling ourselves to get over it. That our feelings should't matter.

Feelings and behaviors are different things. We can feel the range of feelings while still conducting ourselves with kindness and compassion.

But too often we're quick to erase our own feelings. “I shouldn’t feel frustrated or upset! They got in an accident!”

It doesn’t make you a bad person to also feel a little annoyed.

What we DO with those feelings, however, is where emotional maturity comes into play.

Dr. Franco is the author of the 2022 NYT Bestseller Platonic, and has a new book out now, called Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment. She joined us in The Wise Women’s Council to teach us about friendship and connection. Last month, one of our WWC members, Hannah Howard, interviewed Dr. Franco.

Hannah writes:

The goal isn’t to become a person that never feels jealousy, resentment, or rejection.

Instead, it’s about becoming people who can handle knowing that these feelings are all a part of being human.​

It's about understanding all of these feelings, and knowing how to react, respond, engage, and move with them.

This week’s idea:

Healing is not becoming someone who always has the right emotional response. It is learning that even when an uncomfortable, inconvenient or embarrassingly human feeling appears, you do not have to abandon yourself for having it.

This is not easy work, but it’s the work of a lifetime.

Be brave and be kind.

— Sarah

Say this, not that:

Instead of "I know exactly how you feel," try "What's this been like for you?"

Read this:

Comedy is a human relief button. I’ve been reading Molly Shannon’s memoir, HELLO, MOLLY!. The more I learn about people, the more I get to know them, the more I realize just how much people live through. These big lives, full of darkness, are part of what connects us. Some of the funniest people have the deepest wells of grief.

Listening to:

Sara Bareilles has a new album out, Good Grief and hearing her talk to Anderson Cooper about one of her songs, Home, brought me to tears. Anderson Cooper ugly cries during the episode, and it makes me think about why we hide our tears — when they're something so common to all of us. It's vulnerable and tender.

Events:

​Reinventing yourself and reimagining your career | NEW DATE: October 7, 2026

​A bell hooks’ Book Club about communion | October 14, 2026

Join me:

• ​Accountability group meets every Monday morning at 11am eastern.
• ​Writing group meets every Mondays at 1pm eastern.